We have all experienced the pain of rejection and criticism in some form throughout our lives.
A critical comment from a co-worker, teacher, at school, being let go or fired, going through a breakup, divorce, or being excluded from the family or group of friends. Receiving a no from a client.
Rejection hurts.
These situations prey on our insecurities and make us feel like we are not good enough, viewing rejection as an indication of self-worth.
Most of us were not raised with high self-esteem and the skills to deal with rejection. Things happen to all of us at school and in life.
When we get rejected, it is possible that old pain triggers, and that is often causing feelings of jealousy, abandonment, isolation, and anxiety.
To build up strong self-esteem and confidence is to become immune to criticism.
To overcome the fear of rejection, it’s important to understand it.
We are all born with an instinct to survive; we do this by finding a connection with each other and avoiding rejection. We are scared of being rejected, hurt, and not being accepted as we are.
“Our brain is wired to the negative, to self-preserve, and protect us from hurt.” - Marisa Peer
This is why we tend to remember and focus on the things that went wrong, sometimes even if things are going great, as we have desired.
Have you ever had a really good day, but at the end of it, you suddenly remember old painful memories of failures or what someone has commented about your work, your looks, opinions, or who you are?
I have worked with many successful, high-achieving women and men; even the most successful people struggle to deal with rejection and criticism.
Why? We all crave acceptance, belonging and connection with each other; that’s the basis of human needs.
Also, we are all born without the fear of rejection, knowing that we are loved, accepted, and good enough- deserving of the very best.
The fear of rejection and learned beliefs often come from childhood. These fears can be limiting your life and your success if they are not addressed.
This can keep even highly successful people playing small, sabotaging themselves, diminishing their needs and feelings, and working too much and too hard as they lack boundaries and awareness.
Fear or rejection can limit people to have positions, uplevel and increase their income responding.
Often a rejection can trigger inner unconscious fear so strong that they feel stuck and unable to get over it, but start sabotaging themselves.
People raised by critical caretakers are afraid of conflicts, speaking up, and expressing themselves and their needs in calm, confident manners. Often they hold a lot of anger and resentment inside them as if they feel they were never seen and accepted as they were as a child.
They learned to respond to criticism by constantly trying to improve and demand more and more of themselves. Also, they learned to get the attention the children need and crave in negative ways as they need to get it some way and have no capabilities to understand or express their needs better.
This wiring can still be active in their adulthood if it’s not consciously treated. It can be that the children of critical, judgmental, and demanding parents have become highly critical adults, often dealing with anger issues.
What’s important to understand is that critical people has the most criticism and judgment reserved for themselves. So often when an overly critical colleague, boss, friend, or family member throws out a mean comment about you, it is really a displacement for their own insecurities.
Understanding this gives you the most liberating power to deal with rejection.
How to boost self-esteem
The greatest starting point to boosting your self-esteem is to know that you are enough and worthy of your real desires.
Once your mind shifts to this new perspective, you gain control back of your thoughts, take control of your mindset, and overcome the fear of rejection.
It does not matter what other people think of you, only what you think of yourself.
Knowing that you are empowered to control what you accept into your consciousness, allows you growth and the opportunity to become immune. Confidence is a skill that you can train.
Self-praise and self-validation will manifest your thoughts and emotions into strong, positive intentional behaviors.
This is why I praise daily clarity practice and reflecting on our days, feelings and events at the end of the day. You can read more of it here and download my free daily planner here to start doing this wonderful practice.
How to become immune to rejection
You have the power to become immune to criticism- you always have a choice with rejection.
The only person who has the real power to reject you is you. You always have the power to change and choose what you think and how you feel, and there is nothing more powerful than that.
Be mindful of the way you talk to yourself. Remind yourself of all of the positive things and people in your life or what you have to be grateful for.
Don’t accept rejection by saying, “I will not let this in.” When you don’t accept rejection, you are not giving your power away for others or to any situation.
Turn your obstacles to wins. Getting rejected can build resilience, help you grow and when you take the lessons you won’t be bothered to react personally to rejection or criticism in the future.
When you educate yourself and learn more about your reactions and patterns, you begin to understand why you feel the way you do, and see your underlying reasons behind the obvious and release them.
Rejection is often misunderstood. Our interpretation of any life events and other people’s comments is based on the stories we tell ourselves and the beliefs we have formed in childhood. This is defining how and why you respond to rejection and criticism the way you do.
I hope you found this article helpful. How have you got over the fear of rejection or criticism? Leave a comment below!
If you have been rejected and the fear of rejection or confrontation is greater than your own abilities to overcome it, I work with business women helping them to strengthen their inner powers, have high confidence and self-esteem, so that they can expand and be able to take their lives, careers and income to the next level. You can book a free consultation call here to chat about your situation.
This post is inspired by my mentor and hypnotherapy teacher Marisa Peer. Image by Hannah Busing, Unsplash.